And Draco Jumped On Neville
by twinners
Summary: Snape and Hermione get it on while everyone else pairs up randomly - including the giant squid. Contains Daniel Radcliffe, sugar quills, slash and is EWE? a collab written late at night... more warnings inside.


A/N: Septasonicxx here, and I would just like to start by saying MAJOR WARNINGS! *INSERT BRIGHT RED FLASHING LIGHTS*

Alright. Mxya and I got together on typewith . me and decided to collab. This is what we came up with. It was written late at night while both of us were veeeeeery tired and needed sleep. So yes. Also, the bold text is everything I wrote and the normal text is everything Mxya wrote. Enjoy!

WARNINGS: cross-species breeding, slash, tentacles, transgender Blaise AND GINNY, dancing, SNAMIONE, Daniel Radcliffe, Snape's voice, sugar quills, OOC JK Rowling, EWE?, kissing, bombs, marriage.

DISCLAIMER: We will personally do the chicken dance to lady gaga on national television if someone is stupid enough to sue us as we claim NO OWNERSHIP OF ANY CHARACTERS OR ANYTHING which you might find familiar in this story. We are fandom writers, that is all. [disclaimer written by Mxya]

Before I let you start reading... I want to leave you with this: I promise I NEVER thought I'd ever be writing something like this in a million years. But that's what happens when you're tired and you collab with your bestie!

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**The library was quiet as Hermione sat at the desk with a book open in front of her. Tucking some of her hair behind her ear, she turned a page and continued reading.**Outside, the wind was wipping the snowflakes around the Hogwarts grounds unrelentlessly, making it an indoor day for the students.

**Hermione, of course, had taken up residence in the library in order to try and get some of her work done before her next lesson, but unfortunately she wasn't entirely alone as she had hoped to be. Sitting at her desk across from her was Marcus Flint.** Of all the people who could possibly distract her from her studies, Marcus was doing it in style. No matter how hard she tried, Hermione couldn't concentrate on the potions ingredients she needed to, the smirking boy across from her irked her to no end.

**There was nothing she could do as Marcus stared at her and allowed the sugar quill he was holding in his mouth to flop around as he tried to appear seductive.** His not-so-discrete attempts at this left Hermione trying her hardest not to giggle and stare back at him.

**Suddenly, the doors to the library burst open and Professor Snape came storming in, heading straight for the desk Hermione and Marcus were sitting at.** Hermione looked up and saw him approaching, her breath catching at how close to the table he came to stand. The professor saw that she was doing Potions work and saw the open book infront of Flint, homework not yet begun.

**"Mr Flint," Snape's deep voice sounded. "Why haven't you started working yet?"**

**Flint looked up in surprise and the sugar quill promptly fell out of his mouth and onto his book, sticking to it.**

"Well sir," Marcus smoothly replied. "I was just about to ask Miss Granger here for help." The professor raised an eyebrow in response, not completely believing what his student had said but willing to let it slide for the sake of his Slytherin pride. He looked once again at Hermione, head only centimetres away from the desk, furously scribbling away notes, much faster than she had been before he had arrived and decided to brush it off. He had no busness in the lives of the students. He was only there to teach.

**However, as he watched Hermione continue to scribble down her notes, he began to realise that he was seeing her in a different light all of a sudden. For some unknown reason he found himself admiring the wave of her hair and...**

**He quickly snapped himself out of it.**

**But not quickly enough as Hermione glanced up and noticed his gaze.**

**"Is something wrong, Sir?" she squeaked.** He unconsciously focused in on the sound of her voice and the brown of her eyes as she looked up at him before realised what was going on and turning to look at Marcus Flint. With a reality check in the looks department, Snape was able to speak up.

"Nothing is wrong Miss Granger. Help Mr Flint, but do not do the work for him. I will be checking. That is all." Before either of the children could say anything else, he had walked away from the table and swiftly out of the library.

**Changing his mind out in the corridor, Snape spun on his heel and raced back inside, kissing Hermione on the lips firmly before dashing out again.** Hermione ran out after him and grabbed his hand, spinning him back around and crashing her lips back onto his.

"I love you Severus." She whispered in the kiss. "Come away with me."

**Severus couldn't understand what had just happened but he was PERFECTLY fine with it. So, kissing her back harshly and wrapping his arms around her tightly, he mumbled a 'Yes'.**

**The two of them fell backwards as they kissed and Severus somehow ended up pushing Hermione against a wall, still kissing her. She didn't mind at all, enjoying the hot kisses and returning them just as excitedly.**

**"OH MY GOSH!"**

**Severus and Hermione parted to see Harry and Ron standing there, watching with their mouths open wide in horror.** They couldn't believe their eyes. It was even less believeable than if ten million fireflies lit up the world as they fell asleep. They thought that Snamione had to be the worst pairing next to Rarry. How on earth could fans do anything other than Dramione?

**But the world had turned upside down so Harry pounced on Ron.**

**And Draco jumped on Neville.**

**And Seamus and Dean went skinny dipping** in the lake with the giant squid.** Because they both have a fetish for tentacles.**

And then Blaise turned into a girl and Ginny was like rawr.

McGonnogal and Dumbledore hit it off in his office.

And Mrs Norris turned back into her human form to ravish Mr Filch.

**Seeing the madness before them, Severus and Hermione ran off to hide in a tree, while Marcus hooked up with Katie Bell and the Patil twins.**

**Yes. Marcus got three.** The girls were absolutely loving it.

**Not wanting to miss out on the fun, **Professor Trelawny **prophecied** that Aragog the spider would come back to life and mate with her.

**Hagrid cried, feeling left out. So he cuddled Fang** who got slightly worried that the half-giant would be wanting to cross-breed, and not cross-bread, because he really wanted a sandwhich which was half white bread, half wheat bread.

**Neville and Draco began dancing on tables without their shirts on and Draco yelled out for Blaise to join them. So Blaise became a male again and jumped up onto the table, dancing with them. Ginny, upset that she had been ditched, also turned into a guy and jumped up onto the table to dance with them.**

Then J.K. Rowling had a heart attack before she finished the epilogue of the final book, and left it to us to write, and so we wrote and wrote and this is how the epilogue came about, with love between all kinds of magical beings. Lucius, or should I say Luscious Malfoy reconciled with the hyppogriff and the two of them mated heatedly.

**As Ron ran away from an over-enthusiastic Daniel Radcliffe who took his acting career WAAAAY too seriously, he finally managed to find Harry again, who shot a spell at Daniel and made him fall over unconscious. Then Ron pounced on Harry.**

**Over in another part of the country where everything is always dark and evil, Voldemort began to woo Bellatrix, who did not need any wooing and promptly fell before him, professing her love.** Voldemort then proceeded to force her into a new position for love, one which involved sitting back to back on a bench and sighing, like **he** missed the feeling.

**Feeling very depressed at his lack of a love life, Peter Pettigrew began to kiss his metal hand.**

As Snape was up in the tree with Hermione, he heard Harry and Ron talking about something mysterious, and told Hermione

"That's absurd!" But she wouldn't listen and went to hear what Ron and Harry were talking about. They were so excited that Ron had found something, that they didn't realise the pipe bomb was active until they were all blown up.

**Voldemort, though, lived** to dance again.

The end.

**May I marry you now?**

Oh yes you certainly may my sugar plum.


End file.
